so much fun with the two!
i’m so afraid of marriage like what if you marry someone and like have kids with them and then they decide they don’t love you anymore or something idk man but that shit is scary
(Source: hate, via pizza)
everyone im interested in is too hot for me…
(Source: collapsed, via pizza)
She really did ordered pizza lmao
that tip is awful i’m so PISSED
ugh i am still so pissed at this because someone tipped me $7.50 for biking 5-6 blocks w/ a sandwich and a drink that only cost $11.50 before the tip and like someone who makes more money than a person making minimum wage can’t even tip $20???
I could be wrong but I’m almost certain that $2 tip is an automatic gratuity and not an actual number millionaire superstar Ellen Degeneres typed into a website. If you think that pizza guy left the theatre with less than a grand in his pocket you are mistaken.
for the last time, Ellen borrowed Pharrell’s hat and went around collecting money from A-list actors for tips
dick harder than flappy bird
(Source: possiblypensive, via pizza)
the only thing that brings me up when I was down is the elevator